oyasumi.dreams


Master Cleanser: A Review

0o0o. This is a topic that has seriously gotten me quite riled up in the past. I did a “review” (more like an extremely biased editorial) on it in the past. I’ve done this 2x before and I don’t think I’ll ever do it again. Maybe in small doses.

I don’t know if you want to use this at all, but hey!

The Master Cleanser isn’t necessarily for everyone, but it’s important to stress that it’s not based in medicine, not really. (and yeah: i heard about it from soompi too). I feel like this incredible hypocrite, but after reading some REAL articles by REAL medical professionals (and not a bunch of “alternative healers” and layspeople), I’ve come to a much more solid conclusion that the Master Cleanser is NOT for everyone and should be thoroughly researched (on BOTH sides of the Cleanse, not just people who support and encourage it) before you decide to go into it. There are MUCH more healthier and substantial ways to lose weight than simply not eating for 10-40 days. A lot of medical professionals regard it as a FAD diet, and according to the textbook definition of a fad diet (basically the extremes of dieting or fasting for a short period of time just to reach your ‘weight goal’ before you crash back into your old lifestyle): it definitely looks like one, unless you are willing to change your WHOLE lifestyle upside-down-and-topsy-turvy (and spend a WHOLE lot of money on organic/raw/vegan foods) after the Cleanse (which I can’t do and am unwilling to do).

You can read on for my loong rant about the Cleanse.

EDIT: A LOT of people (especially in the Asian-American community) heard about this from the popular Master Cleanser thread over on Soompi. That thread has actually been CLOSED. The moderators cite it’s because too many people were going to that thread for medical advice from people who clearly weren’t medical professionals (“Uh, it’s the 3rd day of my cleanse and my butt is gushing blood everytime I go to the bathroom.” “Oh, well, your body is cleaning it’s toxins, so I’m sure that’s part of the natural Cleansing process.” Well, it’s not that bad, but you get the point). But I think it’s simply because the Master Cleanser craze was just getting out of control there and the moderators wanted to stop it before people really got hurt. If I remember correctly, considering how fast that thread moves, I think the thread might’ve been closed 1-2 weeks after I posted up my [negative] review on the Cleanse not unsimilar to the scathing review I gave it here on AF.

It’s all this homeopathic, pseudo-holistic stuff which I am incredibly wary of. It’s best to do it during a time where you’re SUPER busy. Like craaazay busy. Like every day is crammed full of stuff so all you have time to do is to go home and sleep. Seriously. I did it on vacation, and I gave up after a week (even though I did the full 10 days while I was still in school). There is no proof that lemon juice really detoxifies the body at all and there is not actual proof that your body gets a “fresh start” even though a lot of people feel that way.

Here’s an article that talked about the Master Cleanser being a scam/fad diet:
click!

I’ll just give you an example. People say that after the Cleanse, they feel that they have brighter and smoother skin and less acne. This may be true, but why? Because on the Cleanse, you are only allowed to drink lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper mixed in water. What does that mean? You’re drinking a LOT of water every day. Water is KNOWN to help skin elasticity and clear up acne on its own. If you were to just drink more water everyday, you might notice drastic improvement in your skin.

Another thing: the Master Cleanser tells you to use a laxative tea or sea-salt water flush every single day/evening. What this does is clean out the built-up wastes in your system. No doubt it does… and no doubt why you drop so much weight. A great deal of people ARE walking around with some “backage” in their “sewage systems” so to speak. … clear that out, and you could clear our: 5kgs or more of waste. Plus, the lemonade that you drink on the Cleanse has roughly only 800 calories… TOTAL (if you drink the quantity you’re supposed to everyday). So your intake has dropped from a typical intake of, say, 1,500 calories a day to 800 calories a day. How could you NOT lose weight?

As for the feeling healthier? It could all EASILY be psychosomatic. I just finished my 2nd Cleanse, and this time and the 1st time I did it: I didn’t notice any extremely innovative results. Not while I was on the Cleanse. The healthy part? The only thing that was running through my mind was, “WOW, look at me. I have NOT EATEN for x-days and I’m still going! I AM AWESOME.” It was more of an encouragement and “healthy” for my own self-image and willpower than it was for my body, I think.

For the Cleanse’s credit: people do notice things like the disappearance of cysts and fibroids in their ovaries which I really can’t explain, but *I* don’t have any medical ailments like that (the creator the the thread on Soompi had a MAJOR medical problem that was alleviated by the Cleanse. I, as a typically normal — if overweight — girl, noticed no largely significant changes except for a slightly increased metabolism and a decrease in appetite). Afterwards, yes, my waistline and appetite did shrink, but over the course of a few months, my weight crept back and so did my appetite. The only thing that I really can’t explain is that when I went to Taiwan I didn’t get any mosquito bites. My mom thought that was because I had “clean blood” now (mosquitoes are generally attracted to dirty blood, I assume) because of the Cleanse. Although tbh, I only did the Cleanse for 10 days, there is NO WAY that could’ve hit my bloodstream that fast. My other friends were more convinced that it was plain mercy because I had a painful sprained toe the entire time I was in Taiwan (well, for about 2wks anyways).

Sorry for all the negative feedback, but if you want to read the positive feedback, you can go to Soompi..!! I hate going to Soompi sometimes; it’s like a cult in there that refuses to accept a differing opinion. Crazy collectivist mentalities. SO clique’ish it drives me nuts sometimes. I posted a *little* bit of controversy on the MC and had this girl jumping down my throat.

Anyways, I’ve decided to take a more realistic approach to the Master Cleanser from now on. Sometimes you do need a crazy fast like the MC to jumpstart some weightloss… but like I said: a lot of professionals consider it a “fad diet” because it is NOT a lifestyle change (such as healthy eating and calorie cutting may be), but rather just something you do for a brief stretch of time in hopes that it will make you feel better. KFC … *Master Cleanse* … McDonald’s …. *Master Cleanse* … 3,000 calorie meals … *Master Cleanse*… etc, y’know? A lot of people HAVE incorporated it into their “lifestyle change” or whatever… but I’m not convinced. There are healthier and more substantial ways to lose weight, I think. LIKE THE WAYS THAT STILL LET YOU EAT (like food combining — which I’m doing, or carb cutting).

BUT, there is a magazine that I really like reading (and respect and actually seems to credit and cite doctors and professionals a lot) that DOES encourage a brief juice fast just to clear out your digestive system if you’ve really been gorging for the past few days (ie: holiday season). On my 2nd Master Cleanse, I had predated it with an entire semester of horrible eating habits: late night binging, bad foods, SALAD DRESSING (i used to take my salad straight with just vinegar)… etc. And my tummy was all engorged and bloated and I was very unhappy and my mom was calling me “fat and oily and greasy.” Ew. I have given up on Asian parents. She has brainwashed me too long. Anyways, I digress. By the 2nd or third day of my [2nd] Cleanse, I had already dropped ten pounds and was already starting to look slimmer and my tummy was already looking a lot flatter. Why? Probably because I had a lot of leftover stuff in my stomach and the rest of my GI tract and a break from food gave my digestive system the time to move all that stuff out of my system… which resulted in weight loss and slimmer tummy. I probably could’ve gone off the Cleanse right there, but I was determined to go the full 10 days. Plus my mom is very… manaical in her “weight loss” goals for me (I don’t think i can EVER be skinny enough for her), so she was pressuring me a lot to … basically keep on starving myself (i wish I didn’t love food so much; I would become anorexic just to spite her, and no I’m not kidding. I love my mom, but sometimes she takes my weightloss way too seriously… and it’s not like I’m grossly obese. I’m not stick thin and I could stand to lose a bit, but I’m not like GROSSLY fat… I am huggable. I don’t even have a double chin.).

So, I say: if you have the willpower and you want to try it out: go for it. It’s not entirely harmless, and I hate all the people who claim they’re doing it for “detoxing,” okay, posture all you want, but I know deep down inside, you just want to lose those last 3kgs… and if that’s not the case for YOU, it’s the case for 98% of the other people who do go on the Cleanse.

Even if you have the willpower and don’t want to try it out: don’t shame or guilt yourself into doing so because you won’t enjoy yourself and you’re much more liable to go off the Cleanse, I’m sure of it. Just try it for like 2-3 days, y’know? And see if you need to go further. I drink lemon juice + water all year round, so I don’t know if that’s done anything for my digestive system, my immune system, or my “detoxing,” but I think it’s helped me keep my weight under control… at least the sourness controls my appetite a bit. And as a note: lemon juice has an acidity that is lower than stomach acid, so it won’t eat a hole through your stomach, but it also doesn’t explain how the “acid in lemon juice aids in detoxification” when it is basically just… sucked up by your system anyways.

Plus, this is what clinched it for me: The creator the Master Cleanse (Stanley Burroughs) actually killed a patient of his and was charged by the state of California for committing 2nd degree murder and for practicing medicine without a license. He literally killed his patient (with terminal leukemia) in 4 weeks. He served some time in jail, but the charges were eventually dropped and the verdict reversed, but just the fact that he was accused in the first place. Plus, Stanley Burroughs is oddly cultish in his ways regarding the Master Cleanser. Reading his book was a very uncomfortable endeavor for me and I ended up just reading the recipes that were necessary to get me through the Cleanse.

Sorry for that long rant, but it’s been a long time in the forming…! I hope that helps you come to some kind of conclusion. I, for one, probably won’t be doing the Master Cleanser every again for such a long period unless I *really really* find it completely and wholly necessary… at most, I may do a 2-3 juice fast every now and then just to help calm my digestive system down.[/spoiler]

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2 Responses to 'Master Cleanser: A Review'

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  1. […] Master Cleanser: A Review « oyasumi.dreams On my 2nd Master Cleanse, I had predated it with an entire semester of horrible eating habits: late night binging, bad foods, SALAD DRESSING (i used to take my salad straight with just vinegar)… etc. […]

  2. yun said,

    hello!

    I just happened to enter into your site while doing some online research of the Master Cleanse. Thank you very much for your input; it’s the most truthful of all claims.
    I actually found out out about the Master Cleanse in soompi as well and worried for many of the girls who found it as their answer to losing weight.
    It’s been a year since I’ve found out about it and since a few months back have been thinking about giving it a try. (I’m an architecture major, extremely busy and stressful, to the point where I’ve pulled 5 all-nighters in a row (not healthy at all!).) Because of my similar situation of horrible eating habits + terrorizing sleeping habits, I’d like to give it a try.

    I don’t know why I’m typing all of this. Initially, I just wanted to say thank you for a very truthful and extremely helpful review. Guess I got a little carried away. Thanks again.

    yun


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